Free Learning! Merry Christmas ;)

http://ocw.mit.edu/courses/

And now a magic trick entitled: memories = book

I'm starting to think it's an alchemical task, this attempt to turn five years of excerpts into worthy, readable prose.

Spotlight on Laura's frustration: 

I am 22 now.  The $200,000 piece of paper Vassar gave me is 3,500 miles away, forgotten in a pile of bent photographs and stapled pages that are all marked with red and double-spaced.  He is 19.  He was a famed ballroom dancer.  I am certain by now he is a drug lord in the Latvian mafia.  But none of this matters. Nothing can matter on the faux patio of a pub on the third floor of Victoria station.  Even the drinks here lack the familiar taste of denial.  

There is a board listing today's specials in chalk, I stare at it without reading. I wonder if Eddy’s already at work, and what our soup of the day is.

                                                                                     ***

Airport blue. There it was.  And the flight attendant’s voice as we navigated to the gate, “Welcome to John F Kennedy International Airport, the time here is approximately 10:34pm.”...

 It was the second time I had heard this in the past month.  It was the second time I had endured an eight hour flight from London. I sat next to a man from Texas this time- we did not have a window. I was looking forward, instead - through the haunting stretch of Belgrave Avenue's white Victorian facades, to the red-suited flight attendants.  The blonde one was strapping on a purple hat and gushing over the possibility of chocolate chip pancakes.   

I am in New York City now. 

 I whispered,

"I am in New York City now."

                                                             ***

It was mother’s day.   My eye caught the shadow of another body at the bar where I sat, had sat, alone. A 6’7 motionless frame had suddenly materialized a few chairs down.  His posture was unwelcoming, like a friend who never greets you at the door.  He sat clasping his beer, hunched forward with a stillness that betrayed his taciturn demeanor.   He wore the rare look of a man who could drink alone.  I recognized it instantly, because it belonged to me, although I had yet to earn it.  The look, so strong on his face, revealed every weakness in mine as we sat at the bar, drinking alone on mother’s day. 

                                                             ***

I am sitting here now trying not to run out of the house screaming.  I stare at the Sudoku puzzle I took from the airplane magazine wide eyed and unblinking, pen shaking in hand, wondering if I can collect myself long enough to creep downstairs.  I look up as a test of my ability to feign control of the simple motor skills that will be necessary if I happen to encounter another human being on the ten minute walk to the kitchen.

  “Hi” I practice.  I focus on the outside world, normalizing my gaze.

I notice there is a painting of random flowers with their identities written beneath.  This makes me wonder if there is a guest room store.  The perfect guest room art, even with descriptions that politely spare the non flower expert the humiliation of flower genus ignorance. 

                                                            ***

There were grasshoppers everywhere - dead grasshoppers.  Their large black bodies on the white sidewalks and glaring pavement  were more than a small contrast to the little green musicians I had known, but rarely seen, in Connecticut.   They decorated storefronts and left a blackened outline along the roads and sidewalks of Austin, Texas every spring.

I stumbled out of my car with a feigned nonchalance that I managed to retain as I sashayed up his driveway.   My freshly lipsticked mouth wore a well-rehearsed grin that never made it to the front door.

As I start towards the house my glance falls on the dark front window with its curtains still drawn and I am struck by the possibility that he is watching me.  The echo from the car door is still fading behind me as I feel a nervous heat crimsoning my cheeks. No, it was probably more an effrontuously revealing fire-engine red.

 I jerk my head down and away from the window, my gaze sweeping over the driveway.  I feel my head unexpectedly twitch upright, and my eyes dart back to the strip of white where the black pavement meets the garage.  An army of black carcasses awaits me at the top of the drive and along the sidewalk.  They lay still all along the front of the house forming a barrier between me and the man inside. 

ugh

Update: Task One: Learning to play the piano

One must have a teacher.  One must also not be trying to finish one graduate thesis for publication while planning and executing a second ;)  (damn you Laura ;) )

Having said that: I will learn piano.  I am, at least, purging peripheral hobbies, which I guess should have really been "task one."  But who would I be without my passionate overambitious need to excel in all things (no qualifier there, I really do mean all things ;) )

Mission: The Business

I have ordered my piano teaching software and in the meantime am using this next slot to get my business going, or at least pull it down from its nebulous form to match up against practicality and see if the brilliance holds.

Website check.
 Website design scheduled.
 Business model...don'ts: read
Business plan: next step

Mission: piano proficiency, status update: A keyboard is not a piano

I am comfortable enough with chords and tabs...now time to work on combining them more effectively.  This step will, hopefully, involve the acquisition of a piano.

Piano proficiency progress report: Attempting arrangements.  Mostly I am trying, in vain, to mimic this man:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3zr6ylKwEU&feature=PlayList&p=670ED5EE577523A0&playnext_from=PL

(Ted Hu covering my favorite Okkervil River song )

The chord progression, like a perfectly constructed sentence...only louder ;)

Task One: Learn to play the piano

Piano proficiency progress report: First 12 hours

-Learned chords
-Taught myself a song

Output:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW_dpGIRdi0

Plan for next lesson:
-Learn finger placement and practice it.
-Attempt different chord patterns

Insomnia Peace Treaty

I have decided to take advantage of the surplus in "time" my body's Hypnophobia affords.  Instead of sitting in bed idly or wikipedia-page-jumping I will now be organizing this time in a structured manner around a list of tasks that fall into the category of things "I want to do/I want to learn/I want to know." 


 Each task will be divided into manageable steps, with each step conspicuously contributing to the goal of completing the task.


  I will document the progress of each task and will attempt to create time lines, although one cannot plan bouts of insomnia :)

nine extra floors

my sentimentality is waning but I thought I'd sneak this in (after all it is one of my favorite cinematic sentimental moments ;) )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCJdWN6Uqpk

A review of writing tools

For anyone in need of some organization for their writing:

top ten creative software review 

and some free tools:

http://www.teresciaharvey.com/hea/software.html

I don't have a clue why it took me so long to click a few buttons and get myself the software, guess if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself...especially if you want it done perfectly ;)

Plan to test it out now on organizing the mess that is my thesis!

some visual stimuli for your Wednesday morning viewing pleasure

I enjoyed viewing these old London transit posters:

http://wordsandeggs.squarespace.com/imported-20100206003717/2010/2/23/all-aboard-london-transit-posters-from-1900-1939.html

which led me to the blogger's "tumbler" site, where I found more interesting paraphernalia from "the day"

http://everybell.tumblr.com/page/1

Also, in honor of the Olympics and my appreciation for good advertising, some P&G ads for you:

http://bit.ly/ayWlXJ and http://bit.ly/cvW4c2

Little Prince Quiz!!

http://quizilla.teennick.com/quizzes/101624/saint-exuperys-the-little-prince-quiz

My result:

http://quizilla.teennick.com/quizzes/result/101624/11888/

Not sure how I feel about it but one just can't rig a le petite prince quiz

Time Travel: Part Deux

At its base, the current theory of time travel seems to be more sympathetic to basic logic. For example, one cannot unexist. We also don't have to start questioning our adages because you still can't change the past, which, though not as glamorous, is logically comforting to me.

The new basic concept simply takes away the assumption there is only one space/time continuum. It kind of puts time travel on the same level as "Sliding Doors," there are innumerable minor deviations that spin off and create new parallel paths. So, to simplify it, taking yourself out of one space/time continuum is really comparable to whether or not you caught that train, went to that restaurant on that night, or were late for work on that day, etc. The only difference is the separate path you've created through time travel is not parallel, it's overlapping. (The movie Primer, written, directed, and produced by Shane Carruth illustrates this concept of time travel well. Although it's very dense. it shows this more "anticlimactic" form of time travel theory)

NOW

The reason for my sudden interest in time travel is partly because it's tangential to a topic I've been mulling over since I was five, when I had the sudden realization that "you can do whatever you want and no one can make you do anything." Upon announcing this revelation to the entire playground I was swiftly apprehended and placed in time out, but it was too late, I had discovered free will.

I have recently felt compelled to revisit the free will v. determinism debate (if it is in fact a debate) as it relates to cosmology. I am fascinated by the idea that mathematical equations could govern universal structure and balance. This brings us back to Einstein, I'll let the Albert Einstein Institute speak for him:

"The appropriate physical theory for describing our universe and its gravitational interactions is general relativity. In addition, one needs to take into account models for the properties of matter such as gas and electromagnetic radiation...this defines physical laws which constrain the properties of the cosmos, equations that any universe must obey. A universe that does satisfy the constraints is, in mathematical parlance, a solution to these equations, just as x=-2 and x=4 are solutions to the quadratic equation x2 - 2·x-8=0."

These are all inchoate thoughts, I have not extensively researched this yet. But if there were some mathematical component to the universe, with equations dictating its balance, then the free will/determinism question gets more complicated...

Time Travel : Part Un

A lofty topic I will take on in parts. My goal here is merely to flesh out my nascent thoughts on the subject. But first, a preface:

At the age of 9 I discovered Albert Einstein's theory of relativity, and, subsequently, the twin paradox. The source was my very own volume of encyclopedias, my only reference tool in those pre-internet times, which I poured over incessantly. For some reason I was particularly enamored with this one-sheet thought experiment and so in a frame and on my wall it went.

I was still incredulous when it came to "TV" time travel, which went way beyond the simple premise (stated by the theory of relativity) that the faster you travel through space, the slower you travel through time.

My interest in the subject was left off here and my opinion remained the same (until recently) - that it may be possible to slow the speed at which one moves through time. I decidedly did not believe in "time travel" because Einstein's theory does not allow one to "go back" in time, and Back to the Future's unfortunate dearth of scientific backing left me unswayed. Although I was relatively intrigued by the idea that the future was so sensitive to a minor change in the course of events.

This brings us to the present noise on time travel, harmonious in the acceptance of one major principle: One cannot alter a course of events that has already taken place: sorry Doc, no disappearing from pictures or setting off chain reactions that revoke Marty's existence. (I mean that concept right there is really illogical in and of itself - that one can "unexist.")

Here's to you Mr. Salinger

"That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose." ~Holden Caulfield

The disgraceful exploitation of J.D. Salinger is eerily reminiscent of the tombstone Holden imagines for himself: It'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive.


The news of J.D. Salinger's death was sad enough, but works posthumously published against his wishes would be tragic, and indeed a big F-you to the beloved author (whether or not he loved us back is not the issue at hand).


Now that he's dead, the litigious Mr. Salinger doesn't stand a chance against the vultures now circling as they prepare to gluttonously tear into his cherished works.

I'm sorry to disagree with Salinger's Franny, but everything everybody is doing (at least those involved in the race to capitalize on and cheapen the literary results of Mr. Salinger's genius) is wrong, mean, and stupid. But she was right about one thing, it is indeed quite "sad-making."

Please look to the right for related links

Stop the madness (or at least the sale of it)

Drug companies in the U.S. seem to be hearing Jack Nicholson's command from As Good as it Gets : Go sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here!

Ethan Watters published an article for the New York Times on the Americanization of Mental Illness (you will find a link to it to the right). Not only is America claiming 20-25% of its residents present with a mental illnesses (a term I inherently hate, for the record) of some form, but it is constantly coming up with new disorders with which to infect its countrymen. The DSM-III, which came out in 1980 had over 100 new mental disorders (some of which are still being contested), and now the DSM-IV (to come out in 2012) is said to have more new disorders, some of which include "compulsive shopping." No, apparently it's not just a movie according to our highly trained mental health professionals (see the article in Slate posted to the right).

Apparently diseasing 1/4 of Americans with movie-inspired illnesses is not enough for the drug companies. They're going on holiday to recruit new cultures for participation in their disease mongering. Mental illness used to have strong roots in culture, including “symptom repertoires” and treatment methods. The exportation of mental illness is being done on a grand scale and selectively so, depending on which countries may be more "vulnerable" to which disorders (for example, Japan is lapping up depression, according to Mr. Watters).

The point is that our method of diagnosing mental disorders and treating them are both strongly contested by highly knowledgeable people in the industry as being horrifically "misguided." So not only is our way not the best (to put it kindly), it is certainly not the best for other cultures.

My narcissism's showing

Back to the US's exportation of mental illnesses in a moment, but first, the first poem written about me ;) :

Once there was a girl from New York City
I never met her, what a pity...
Was too busy writing stories,
all clever and witty.
Untouchable as a liger,
not a kitty.

manufactured drugs for manufactured diseases

"the routine human condition...is increasingly being re-defined as disease..."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1369125/

more to come on this shortly in regard to drug companies not only disease mongering in the US, but also exporting mental illnesses abroad

Synesthesia and Kandinsky

I have always been in awe of Synesthesia. It is the only psychological disorder that is not treated as those who present with it do not view it as an impediment to daily life. Most people who possess it are surprised to find that everyone does not see/hear/feel the world as they do.

Kandinsky was one artist who was inspired by his synesthesia:

http://painting.about.com/b/2006/06/12/kandinsky-and-synaesthesia.htm

His work is currently being shown at the Guggenheim until Wednesday (sorry for the late notice)
http://www.guggenheim.org/new-york/exhibitions/on-view-now/kandinsky

Kandinsky has been a major figure in the history of the museum and his work even inspired the design of the building itself.

Anish Kapoor: Memory

Kapoor is responsible for Cloud Gate in Chicago, which I enjoy, but was not the sole reason for my visit to the Guggenheim today; however, I will say I found "Memory" rather impressive. I myself don't have much of a penchant for sculpture and abstract art but this exhibit really stakes its claim in person. When reading the review I had my doubts about the concept but it won me over, well done Kapoor...again.