On Christmas I
had Betty over. She baked a turkey and we
drank. Betty
always liked huge Christmas trees. It must have
been 7
feet tall, and 1/2 as wide, covered with
lights, bulbs,
tinsel, various crap.
We drank from a couple of fifths of whiskey,
made love,
ate our turkey, drank some more. The nail
in the
stand was loose
and the stand was not big enough to hold the
tree. I kept straightening
it. Betty stretched out on the bed,
passed out. I was
drinking on the floor with my shorts on. Then
I stretched
out. Closed my eyes. Something awakened me.
I
opened my eyes. Just
in time to see the huge tree covered
with
hot lights, lean
slowly toward me, the pointed star coming down
like a dagger. I
didn't quite know what it was. It looked like the
end of the
world. I couldn't move. The arms of the tree enfolded
me. I was under it.
The light bulbs were red hot.
"Oh, OH
JESUS CHRIST, MERCY! LORD HELP ME!
JESUS! JESUS!
HELP!"
The bulbs were burning
me. I rolled to the left, couldn't get
out, then I rolled to
the right.
"YAWK!"
I finally rolled out
from under. Betty was up, standing there.
"What happened?
What is it?"
"CAN'T YOU SEE?
THAT GOD DAMNED TREE TRIED
TO MURDER ME!"
"What?"
"YES, LOOK AT
ME!"
I had red spots all
over my body.
"Oh, poor,
baby!"
I walked over and
pulled the plug from the wall. The lights
went out. The thing
was dead.
"Oh, my poor tree!"
"Your poor tree?"
"Yes, it was so
pretty!"
"I'll stand it up
in the morning. I don't trust it now. I'm giving
it the rest of the
night off."
She didn't like
that. I could see an argument coming,
so I
stood the thing up
behind a chair and turned the lights back on.
If the thing had
burned her tits or ass, she would have thrown it
out the window. I
thought I was being very kind.
Posts
